The Bad Touch Trio
by MayBell Lyric
Summary: Tomatoes, a chick, and everything sick. These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect pot of soup. But Arthur Kirkland accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction: marmite. Thus the Bad Touch Trio was born! (A parody of the Powerpuff Girls. Lots of crack.)


One thing led to another, and I ended up writing this crazy parody.

You see, I was browsing Zerochan when I came across this particular picture of the Bad Touch Trio, which compares them to the Powerpuff Girls:

www . zerochan 488488

Next, I read a fanfic that was related to the picture. (You can find a link to it in one of the comments of the picture. You could also search it up in the Hetalia/Powerpuff Girls crossover section.) I was laughing my head off while reading the first chapter, though the second and third chapters got off track. But overall it was a good concept.

Unfortunately it seems like the author has abandoned the fic, because it hasn't been updated in two years. And I wasn't satisfied. I needed more! I didn't know where to find more, so I wrote this.

**Chapter 1: The Bad Touch Trio Movie**

I assigned roles based on personality instead of hair and eye color. So Francis is Blossom, Gilbert is Buttercup, and Antonio is Bubbles. (Fun fact: Bubbles can speak and understand Spanish! She can also read Japanese, apparently.)

Other characters:

Arthur Kirkland = Professor Utonium

Elizabeta Héderváry = Ms. Keane

Chibi Lovino = Mitch Mitchelson

Feliciano = The Mayor

Ludwig = Ms. Bellum

me = the Narrator

* * *

Tomatoes, a chick, and everything sick. These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect pot of soup. But Arthur Kirkland accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction: marmite.

KA-BOOM!

Thus the Bad Touch Trio was born! Using their awesome perverted charms, Francis, Gilbert, and Antonio, have dedicated their lives to screwing around and bothering absolutely everybody.

_Cue theme music._

* * *

Arthur, who had been knocked unconscious in the explosion, woke up to the sounds of _Ohononon_, _Kesesese_, and _Fusososo_. Opening his eyes, he discovered that a Frenchman was behind him groping his body, a Prussian was in front of him seizing his "vital regions," and a Spaniard was sitting nearby watching the whole scene with a clueless, happy expression on his face.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" Arthur shouted as he jumped up, shoving the perverts off of him and trying desperately to straighten out his clothes. "How the bloody hell did you three get into my house?"

"We didn't come in. Your cooking skills are so horrible that instead of producing food, it created us," said the Frenchman, smirking.

"I...wha...there is absolutely nothing wrong with my cooking!" Arthur sputtered.

"I have to disagree, considering the fact that it managed to defy logic and give birth to three dashingly beautiful young men out of thin air," the Frenchman said.

"Speaking of logic, what kind of idiot tries to put a live chick into soup?" the Prussian said, his narrowed eyes glaring down at Arthur.

A small, yellow chick was perched on top of the Prussian's head. "Piyo!" it chirped.

"There there, Gilbird," said the Prussian as he stroked the bird. Its feathers were still wet after having been put inside soup. "Luckily for you, the awesome me came here just in time to save you."

"I've had enough of this," Arthur said, burying his face in his hands. He absolutely refused to believe that his cooking was capable of creating something like this. "Get out of my house!" he ordered.

"Hey now, you can't kick us out!" the Spaniard spoke up for the first time. "We don't have anywhere else to go!"

"I don't care. Just get out!" Arthur shouted.

"Non, I don't think so. You created us, so now I expect you to provide us with everything. That includes money, housing, and sexual service," the Frenchman said.

"Yeah, face it kid, you're stuck with us," the Prussian said. "Consider yourself lucky to be in the company of the awesome me and my awesome friends!"

"I'm Francis," said the Frenchman.

"I'm Gilbert," said the Prussian.

"I'm Antonio," said the Spaniard.

"And we're," they all said together, "the Bad Touch Trio!"

* * *

The city of Villestown.

A city that, while being a city, is for some inexplicable reason called "Town." And not only is it called a "Town," but also a "Ville," thus making it a city, town, and village, which seems to me to be redundant and repetitive, which can be quite annoying if you ask me, which you have no choice but to do, for now I, the Narrator, am in charge of this ridiculous little story.

In the suburbs of this city there lived a man named Arthur, whose life was now in total chaos as a result of a cooking accident.

The Bad Touch Trio decided that they liked the bedroom on the second floor and promptly claimed it as their own. Never mind that it was filled with stuffed animals and had only one bed...a very pretty and girly bed that was green, pink, and blue.

After accidentally creating the trio, Arthur spent the rest of the day in his lab trying to find a way to make them disappear. Yes, he had a lab. It was a very stereotypical laboratory of a stereotypical scientist, complete with test tubes, counters, and a chalk board. However, Arthur wasn't a scientist - he was a magictist. He performed magic, not science.

So as I was saying, Arthur spent a whole day in his lab trying to come up with a spell that would get rid of the Trio.

And he failed. He had no choice but to live with them.

This proved to be rather difficult. Every day, when Arthur went to work, the Bad Friends would go rampaging around the city. Pretty soon, the news was filled with stories about them molesting civilians, destroying property, stealing stuff, freeing all the monkeys in the zoo, and so on. The Trio was never caught or punished for their actions because nobody knew who they were.

Arthur absolutely dreaded the day that someone would find out that they were living in his house.

Out of the three, Arthur hated Francis the most. Francis was the leader of the group because he was the smartest, despite being the most cowardly and perverted. Arthur had to install a lock on his own bedroom door because Francis kept sneaking in at night to molest him in his sleep.

Gilbert was loud and obnoxious. He proclaimed himself to be awesome and pretty much did whatever the hell he wanted to do without thinking about the consequences. And there were pretty much no consequences, since he only started to exist a short while ago and no one could track down his identity.

Antonio was a bubbly, clueless idiot. He didn't understand what he and his friends were doing half of the time, but he always tagged along with his friends anyway. He was very useful to the group because he could break holes into walls with his giant axe to get into locked buildings. Yes, he had a giant axe. No one knew where he got it, not even Antonio.

A regular robbery would look like this: Francis would tell the others what to do and benefit from the sidelines. Antonio would wonder, "Is this really all right? I thought stealing was immoral," to which Francis would reply, "Of course it's all right. Why do you think they put diamonds on display? They want people to come and take them, of course!" Having been reassured, Antonio would break a hole into the wall and knock open the glass cases. Gilbert would decorate himself with the loot, laugh his trademark laugh, and they would all teleport back to Arthur's house using a magical device that they stole from his lab.

After three days of living in this hell, Arthur finally found the teleporting device and took it away from the Trio. Then he did the only thing he could think of; he used magic to turn them into little kids and then sent them to kindergarten.

Pokey Oaks Kindergarten was run by a Hungarian woman named Ms. Héderváry. She was usually very kind but could be very scary if provoked.

Despite having been physically turned into children, the Bad Friends were mentally the same as before. When they first entered the school, they tried to wreck havoc like they usually did. Francis molested other kids, Gilbert took all of the tables and chairs into a corner and claimed them as his own, and Antonio...well, Antonio kind of just sat there and watched cluelessly for a little while, until Francis asked him to smash a hole into the wall so that they could escape the school. So Antonio pulled his giant axe out of nowhere and did just that.

Ms. Héderváry's face was absolutely demonic as she brought out her frying pan and beat them up. After that, they didn't dare misbehave under her watch.

Construction workers were called over to fix the hole in the wall.

Recess came, and all the kids were ushered outside. One child started a game of tag. The Bad Friends did not know about this game (despite the fact that they already knew a lot adult stuff, such as sex and alcohol). They were very confused as to what the kids were doing.

"Why's everyone running from that girl?" Francis wondered.

"Maybe she's sick?" Antonio reasoned.

All of a sudden, a girl ran up and tagged Antonio. "Tag, you're it!" she shouted as she ran way.

"Oh no! I've been infected!" Antonio wailed.

An Italian boy named Lovino noticed that Antonio wasn't chasing anyone, so he stormed over and asked, "What the heck is wrong with you, you bastard?"

"I've been infected," Antonio repeated. He looked like he was about to cry.

"Are you an idiot? You aren't infected. It's just a game!" Lovino said.

"A game?" Antonio voiced.

"A game where you try to touch people as they run away?" Francis said with a dark, lecherous grin.

"Sounds awesome! How do you play?" Gilbert asked.

Lovino groaned, face-palming himself. "Look, I'll show you." He walked over to Antonio and told him, "Tag me."

Antonio looked scared. He didn't want to infect Lovino with whatever disease he might or might not have contracted.

"Come on, it's okay," Lovino reassured him with an unusual gentleness.

Tentatively, Antonio reached out and tapped Lovino's arm.

"Great. So now, I'm 'it.' And the only way to stop being 'it' is to tag someone else," Lovino said as he moved closer to Gilbert. He touched Gilbert's shoulder and ran off. "By the way, you're it!" he shouted.

"Really? Sweet! Now what do I do?" Gilbert asked.

"Just tag someone else and they're 'it!'" Lovino shouted, laughing.

Gilbert slowly turned towards his two Bad Friends with a full-blown battle aura. As far as he was concerned, this game was the perfect excuse to seize other people's "vital regions."

Gilbert ran up to Francis and groped him under his shirt. Francis didn't bother trying to run away; he groped right back.

The other children watched this with puzzled looks, wondering what the heck was going on.

Ms. Héderváry was secretly overjoyed by the spectacle and did not try to stop them right away. She took out the digital camera that she always carried around and snuck a few pictures.

Gilbert and Francis were now on the ground, with Gilbert on top. Gilbert was shirtless, and Francis was stark naked.

"You know, I think I've lost track of who's 'it,'" Gilbert said.

"Well then, why don't we both be 'it?'" Francis suggested.

"Sounds like a plan! Kesese!"

They both stood up, turned around, and went after Antonio. With a shriek of laughter, Antonio ran away, because that's what you're _supposed_ to do in a game of tag. Antonio was actually playing the game and didn't think of it as an excuse to touch people inappropriately the way that his friends did.

Ms. Héderváry secretly wanted Francis and Gilbert to catch Antonio so that she could watch a delicious threesome go at it. But then a disgusted construction worker said to her, "Hey, shouldn't you stop them?"

"Right, I was getting to that," Ms. Héderváry said.

Suddenly, Arthur's spell wore off. There were several poofs of white smoke, and the Bad Friends instantaneously turned back into adults. The clothes that they were wearing (and not wearing) also became adult-sized.

With his larger body, Antonio easily jumped the fence that surrounded the recess area. He continued running, and his two friends also jumped the fence in their pursuit of him.

The Trio's laughter slowly faded away into the distance as they ran off on another rampage in the city.

The children, construction workers, and Ms. Héderváry all stood there in shock and amazement for a few moments.

Ms. Héderváry was the first to recover. She recognized the three men from the news. She took out her cell phone and called the Mayor.

The Mayor was a pasta-loving airhead named Feliciano. It was a good thing he had Ludwig as an assistant, or the city would be _so_ screwed.

"Ve, this is the Mayor speaking!"

"Hello Mr. Mayor. This is Elizabeta Héderváry calling from Pokey Oaks Kindergarten. I've figured out the person responsible for the three weirdos that have been terrorizing Villestown."

Ten minutes later, a team of police cars surrounded Arthur's house, and Ludwig went inside to question Arthur. At first Arthur denied having any relation to the Trio, but it was kind of hard for him to plead innocent when his house was filled with stuff that the Trio had stolen. So eventually, Arthur confessed to everything.

Meanwhile, the Bad Touch Trio was still running wildly through the city.

Francis touched random people inappropriately, saying "Tag, you're it," as he did so. Most of them shoved him away or slapped him on the face, which he interpreted as a tag back. And even if they didn't do either of those things, he would just touch them inappropriately again so that he would be "it" again. Gilbert pretty much did more or less the same thing as Francis, only with more force and aggression. However, what they both really wanted to do was catch Antonio.

Antonio still thought that this was just a fun game of tag. He simply ran, and his friends pursued him.

They were in the center of town when Francis and Gilbert surrounded Antonio on both sides and finally caught him. They were molesting him for about eight minutes until the police showed up and finally arrested all three of them.

The police forced the Bad Friends to put on clothes (they were all rather naked at this point) and brought them to the Mayor's office.

Feliciano, Ludwig, Arthur, and Ms. Héderváry were all in the office. They spent an hour lecturing the Trio about all the trouble they've caused, the consequences they would have to face, and the importance of following the law from now on.

Feliciano wanted to go easy on them because they had only been born recently and didn't know the concept of "illegal activities" until now, so it wasn't their fault for not knowing how to follow the law.

Ludwig wasn't sure whether they actually didn't understand the concept of things being "illegal" before, or were merely pretending to be ignorant in order to gain sympathy.

In the end, the Trio and Arthur (because he was guilty for not reporting the Trio earlier) were given a light punishment of six months of community service, provided that they return all of the stolen goods and formally apologize to the city for all the trouble that they caused.

The Bad Friends were allowed to live as regular citizens as long as they promised to not terrorize the town again.

But this wasn't the end. Oh no, there were still plenty of ways for them to cause trouble while staying within the boundaries of the law.

So once again, the day is screwed, thanks to the Bad Touch Trio!

_Francis, he is the handsome leader._

_Antonio, he is the joy and the passion._

_Gilbert, he's by far the most awesome._

_Bad Friends screw around._

_Causing crime, trying to screw the world._

_Here they come at a bad time, the Bad Touch Trio. _

_Causing crime, trying to screw the world._

_Here they come at a bad time, the Bad Touch Trio. _

_Fuck yeah!_

* * *

I _might_ write more chapters. Stay tuned and we'll see.

P.S. I apologize to BedlamSticks for stealing your lyrics and making them part of the ending theme song.


End file.
